Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
- "The captain has turned off the `No Dubbing' sign. You are free to speak
any language you choose."
- "Fire laser gun!" --- Mighty Joe #1
-
"Fire second battery!" --- Mighty Joe #2
-
"Fire screenwriter!" --- Crow
- "Help! I've plummeted to my death, and I can't get up!" --- Tom Servo
- "Hmmm, a lot of CHRYSLERS on this planet ..." --- Crow
- "Watch it -- we've got Moog synthesizers! We could kill you from here!"
- "'Chapter Two: Molten Terror'! Ooo, isn't terror bad enough without being
molten?" --- Tom Servo (#1), "Commando Cody"
- "Even if they kill that thing, they're going to need a lemon the size of
a Volvo to eat it." --- Joel, "Black Scorpion"
- "'Women of The Prehistoric Planet'?! My sister had to watch this in
Junior High. All the boys had to go in the gym." --- Joel, "Women of The
Prehistoric Planet"
- "Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them
a *pie chart* or something?!" --- Tom, "Mad Monster"
- "No spiders were squished, stepped on, flushed, or made to suffer any
emotional distress during the making of this film. One spider did die of old
age; we have two letters from doctors confirming this." --- Tom Servo, "Earth
vs. the Spider"
- Joel: "Aw, I saw a wire. That wrecks everything."
-
Tom: "You mean this is fake?" --- "Gamera vs. Barugon"
- "We've secretly replaced the Pacific Ocean with Folgers crystals ..." ---
Tom Servo, "Mighty Jack"
- "You could see they're a more advanced civilization-- their furniture
doesn't break!" --- Joel, "Commando Cody, Ch. 1"
- "Immolation is the sincerest form of flattery." --- Crow, "The Robot vs.
the Aztec Mummy"
- "You know, wild horses couldn't drag this plot any further." --- Tom,
"Gamera vs. Gaos"
- "No one will be admitted during the breathtaking car-parking sequence!"
--- Crow, "Rocket Attack USA"
- "I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying!" --- Joel
- "This is my rifle, this is my gun. One is for retail, the other's for
fun!" --- Tom, "Wild Rebels"
- "Find a Chevy, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck!" --- Joel,
"War of the Colossal Beast"
- "Oh, well this isn't good, not at all. I've seen good before, and it
didn't look anything like this--remember that bad thing we saw? Well--it
looked like this, remember? Yeah--definitely bad." --- Joel, "The Black
Scorpion"
- "You know, elf tastes just like chicken!" --- Tom, "Santa Claus Conquers
the Martians"
- Scientist: "How do we stand on fuel?"
-
Crow: "I'm in favor of it." --- "Rocketship X-M"
- "What's a dead man but a live man without any life?" --- Tom Servo
- "I'm a scientist! I don't think, I observe." --- Dr. Clayton Forrester,
"Hercules Against the Moon Men"
- Narrator: "There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear
physics."
-
Tom Servo: "Oops." --- Monster A-Go-Go
Take a look at my humor archive.