Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes

• "The captain has turned off the `No Dubbing' sign. You are free to speak any language you choose."
• "Fire laser gun!" --- Mighty Joe #1
  "Fire second battery!" --- Mighty Joe #2
  "Fire screenwriter!" --- Crow

  "Help! I've plummeted to my death, and I can't get up!" --- Tom Servo

  "Hmmm, a lot of CHRYSLERS on this planet ..." --- Crow

  "Watch it -- we've got Moog synthesizers! We could kill you from here!"

  "'Chapter Two: Molten Terror'! Ooo, isn't terror bad enough without being molten?" --- Tom Servo (#1), "Commando Cody"

  "Even if they kill that thing, they're going to need a lemon the size of a Volvo to eat it." --- Joel, "Black Scorpion"

  "'Women of The Prehistoric Planet'?! My sister had to watch this in Junior High. All the boys had to go in the gym." --- Joel, "Women of The Prehistoric Planet"

  "Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a *pie chart* or something?!" --- Tom, "Mad Monster"

  "No spiders were squished, stepped on, flushed, or made to suffer any emotional distress during the making of this film. One spider did die of old age; we have two letters from doctors confirming this." --- Tom Servo, "Earth vs. the Spider"

  Joel: "Aw, I saw a wire. That wrecks everything."

  Tom: "You mean this is fake?" --- "Gamera vs. Barugon"

  "We've secretly replaced the Pacific Ocean with Folgers crystals ..." --- Tom Servo, "Mighty Jack"

  "You could see they're a more advanced civilization-- their furniture doesn't break!" --- Joel, "Commando Cody, Ch. 1"

  "Immolation is the sincerest form of flattery." --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"

  "You know, wild horses couldn't drag this plot any further." --- Tom, "Gamera vs. Gaos"

  "No one will be admitted during the breathtaking car-parking sequence!" --- Crow, "Rocket Attack USA"

  "I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying!" --- Joel

  "This is my rifle, this is my gun. One is for retail, the other's for fun!" --- Tom, "Wild Rebels"

  "Find a Chevy, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck!" --- Joel, "War of the Colossal Beast"

  "Oh, well this isn't good, not at all. I've seen good before, and it didn't look anything like this--remember that bad thing we saw? Well--it looked like this, remember? Yeah--definitely bad." --- Joel, "The Black Scorpion"

  "You know, elf tastes just like chicken!" --- Tom, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"

  Scientist: "How do we stand on fuel?"

  Crow: "I'm in favor of it." --- "Rocketship X-M"

  "What's a dead man but a live man without any life?" --- Tom Servo

  "I'm a scientist! I don't think, I observe." --- Dr. Clayton Forrester, "Hercules Against the Moon Men"

  Narrator: "There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics."

  Tom Servo: "Oops." --- Monster A-Go-Go