Actual Announcements Taken from Church Bulletins
- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of
the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
- Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk, please come early.
- Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will
sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
- Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister
in his study.
- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and
lay an egg on the altar.
- The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
- On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses
of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet,
please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of the service.
- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they
may be seen in the church basement Friday.
- We need volunteers for summer camp. There will be sinning and dancing.
(paraphrased)
- Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
- Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
- The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
- The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
- Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
- Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
- The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.
- Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing
for the girth of their first child.
- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
I have been told that at least some of these can be found in Richard Lederer's
book Anguished English, New York: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing
Group, 1987, ISBN 0-440-20352-X, in a chapter entitled "Wholly Holy
Bloopers," on pages 44-50.
It is a reprint of a Wyrick and Company book.
Take a look at my humor archive.